02: Negotiating the Storm

I used to think that if I were “mature” enough or “good” enough, I could keep the world from burning. I traded marriages, jobs, and my own sense of self just to belong. But C-PTSD doesn’t give you a seat at the table; it just keeps you in a defensive crouch. This post is about my shift toward a new kind of honesty: judging people by what they do, not what they say. Because at the end of the day, impact trumps intention every time.

01: The Gun and the Garden: Reclaiming the Definition of Love

“Love and abuse cannot coexist.” — bell hooks

Lessons From a Black Friday: Year Six

In loving Painter, I had to let go of everything I thought I knew. I had to embrace the annihilation. That was seven years ago today. Contrary to reports, I’m not dead yet.

09: Stories of Anger

Anger reminds me that when someone feels entitled to slam a door (or phone) to end a conversation, I am not obligated to open the door again for them. In this relationship, anger reminds me that surviving and flourishing means their silence and entitlement need not manipulate me.

08: The Virtuous Lie

I used to own a T-shirt that read, “I’m sorry I’m late; I didn’t want to be here.” The shirt’s message is more honest than I am comfortable admitting.

Shorts: Petting the Cactus

07: Some Thoughts on Lying

This essay and Rich’s quotes are uncomfortable truths reminding me of the impact on people that trusted me and loved me and that I trusted and loved.

06: Distancers and the Silent Treatment (Part 1)

As I recently was reminded, we sometimes have to re-experience the pattern to know we’re outgrowing it…

05: Say Anything…

In Cameron Crowe’s 1989 American teen romantic comedy-drama film Say Anything…, after Diane Court (Ione Skye) breaks up with John Cusack’s character, he stands outside her house loudly playing Peter Gabriel’s song, In Your Eyes, over a boombox. A modern version of Romeo’s heartfelt petition to Juliette. At the movie’s end, Court’s father goes to jail for […]

Lessons From a Black Friday: Year Five

I think given the opportunity to sit and have a conversation like emotionally secure functioning adults I would say the following: We were together and I love you. I will always cherish our moment together. I forgive the rest but won’t forget it either.